Sunday, June 22, 2008

"The Other Stuff Unheard" - an irregular periodical

Main article in the latest issue of ‘The Other Stuff Unheard’ today:

Last night, at approximately 5.55 pm, a man reportedly dressed in nothing but a plain white toga, has broken into a beauty salon, violently thrashing absolutely everything in sight. All windows were completely shattered, as the subject in question apparently used a brick to initially force his entry into the salon, which at the time was just about to close. All beauticians inside were shocked to suddenly discover this man bringing utter carnage to all of their equipment, behaving, according to eyewitness reports, as though ‘he was possessed by some evil spirit’, exhibiting obvious symptoms of paranoia. The motivations behind this man’s despicable act are yet unclear, though from all the eyewitness evidence now gathered, it seems that he was in his late 60s, perhaps early 70s, around 5’10’, with an extensive, bushy beard and a likewise thick, unkempt hair.
Apparently, his face was pale, though bearing a strange grin which incessantly adorned his face, terrifying all that were unfortunate enough to be inside the salon at the time. He was merely clad in a white toga, with nothing underneath, which the beauticians inside were curious to observe, and who were eventually able to provided the Police, with highly professional, detailed descriptions, noting the subject’s odd choice of dress, which they claimed was ‘rather old-fashioned’.
Moreover, some of the victims, despite some initial reluctance to talk, eventually reported that the man also on a few occasions yelled out, what the police now believe is his first name – ‘Democritus’.
A woman who witnessed the bizarre happenings in the beauty salon at the time, and whom we have kept anonymous for legal reasons, had this to say:

“It was only a second or so, when I turned my head to see this man who was holding a large, red brick in his hand, obviously intending to break the windows. I panicked and dropped my lipstick, but was helpless to do anything, as the man made his way inside, breaking everything he set his eyes upon, behaving like a wild animal. It was only when he looked me straight in the eyes, I immediately recognised him. It was Democritus, and I knew it.”

The man however, is still at large, and is believed to be very dangerous.
Here is a artist's interpretation of his face, composed of eyewitness accounts:

The Police are still appealing for more witnesses to come forward, as investigation gets underway.

Editor’s comments:

This case, though still very much fresh in our minds, has somewhat perturbed the government, as Parliament has now voted in favour of a new bill, which I believe is a direct consequence of this particular incident. The bill itself involves the creation of a new institution, which has its own ideological interests, giving us ample opportunities for discussion, not least because of the steadfastness of the Parliament in voting it through. In brief, it was the government’s official reports which I have carefully examined. What they aim to get across to the wider public is that the man in question was reportedly ‘resurrected’ – a new term coined by this new institution calling itself the Church, which essentially means ‘ to raise from the dead’. What this worryingly suggests, is that the culprit was actually the real ‘Democritus’ – an ancient Greek philosopher, who lived between c.460 BC and c.370 BC. He was one of the first thinkers to come up with the theory of matter being composed of minute, indivisible ‘atoms’. Certainly, the appearance of the man bodes well with his alleged identity, and the Police as well as the Government, are insistent that it was in fact Democritus risen from the dead, though they are somewhat suspiciously reluctant to comment on the yet unexplained nature of his motives and anti-social behaviour.

Nevertheless, what strikes me as odd, is this precise insistence on the government’s part to propagate the view that he was in fact, ‘resurrected’, and certainly the number of times that this neologism has been used in the official report of this particular case, is staggering, amounting to some 2, 000 occasions where the term appears within the report. I cannot help but be disturbed by this number, as the actual nature of the investigation into the incident seems more shrouded in mystery, and more complicated than the incident itself. Never on one occasion did anyone note a more likely explanation, that the man in question could be a simple poser, who for all we know, could have escaped from a nearby mental hospital, managed to somehow acquire this type of clothing and set upon himself the task of anarchy – the corollary being this precise incident. Certainly a more logical explanation closer to the truth, and in spite of all this, no official has probed into its likelihood as of yet, and it does not look as though someone with any sort of influence ever will. The government remains adamant as to the truthfulness of the outcome of the official investigation into the case, and what is even more worrying, and I daresay frightening, is that the Parliament with its new bill, has gone to great lengths to assert this view as an unquestionable truism; and all this in spite of a far more obvious theoretical resolution to the case.

The government has likewise invented a new term to denote the ideological foundations of the ‘church’ – ‘religion’. This ‘religion’ is apparently linguistically extracted from the unlikely coupling of ‘relic’ and ‘Aegean’, with the latter being a reference to the civilization of ancient Greece and its constituent states, all situated on the Aegean sea (and in fact, rather revealing of the fact that I my opinion all that this ‘religion’ includes is rewritten narratives of old legends and myths originating precisely from this region).

While this blend of the Antique with the modern is admittedly, artfully done, I cannot eschew the facts, and this new institution does not require close scrutiny in order to observe its overall bizarreness. Even recently, it has released a book which it calls ‘The Bible’, and which is now available in unlimited quantities in all bookshops. If you thought that was worrying, you ought to note that only yesterday a book shop manager was apprehended in custody for allowing one of the copies of this book being displayed in the ‘Fiction’ section of the shop...
I would end on an objective note: the case continues.

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